Good, Better, and Best.

WARNING: The following post contains A LOT
of emotional throw-up for lack of a better word.
I am one of those people that just has to get "stuff"
out of myself instead of bottling it all up. BEWARE
and proceed with caution!



Why do I do this to myself? Try as hard as I
might I just can't stop. What am I talking about
you ask? I am talking about blog reading. There
is just a part of me that likes to keep tabs on people
and what is going on in their lives. Therefore, I have
decided that I am a glutton for punishment. It seems
like lately so many of the blogs that I read are written
by people that are pregnant or have a baby. I enjoy
seeing what is going on in their lives but every time
a pang of sorrow and longing accompanies it. Don't
get me wrong I don't fault the people whose blog I
am reading because I am very happy and excited for
them, but I am still a human with those natural desires
to have a family. That being said, I would like to announce
that I have decided to move on with my life. I can't sit
around just waiting for the things that I want to come.
Therefore, I will be returning to BYU this coming
winter semester. Some could say that the last couple
of years that I have spent just sitting around doing
nothing were a waste. I have since decided that they
were not a complete and total loss but a time for me
to discover a little bit more about myself. This time
around at BYU I will actually have a goal to work
toward seeing as I finally know what I want to study.
If things work out, I will be majoring in graphic design.
Choosing this major is a big risk since it is a highly
competitive program that admits only a few students
at a time. I am usually not much of a risk taker but
I guess this time I am going to have to be. I keep
reminding myself that I just have to have faith and
trust that things will work out the way that they are
supposed to.

Ok now that I have blathered(I think that's a word) on
for a couple of years, the real dilemma that I have been
battling with is my desire for two good things. Some days
I want a family more that anything else in the world but
other days I feel driven for the first time in my life to
finish college. It is hard having two good desires in life
but not having complete control over either one. I guess
for now I have chosen the one that I have the most
control over at this point in my life. There I am done!
Moving on.


I apologize if none of this emotional drama makes sense
but I just had to get as much out as I could.