The Big Picture

Going to church is hard for me. Some weeks are better
than others but some are really tough. Don't worry I am not
turning into an apostate, it is just hard to go and be surrounded
by so many people with families and so many people that
are pregnant. I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself
and wondering why life is so unfair for me. I would give
anything to have a child to wrestle with and entertain during
church. Well since today was fast Sunday, it was also
testimony meeting. Up until this point I was managing to
hold onto my "grumpy woe is me" mood. Then one lady in
my ward got up and mentioned "catching the vision of
something." Well the comment in itself didn't really mean
too much for me but it got me thinking about something that
I had forgotten. Last June I had the opportunity to go
on Eagar's pioneer trek as a photographer. I went on the
trek when I was 17 but the experience didn't mean much
to me. Last year however, I really enjoyed my experience.
I understood the point of the different parts of the trek
for the first time. It is meant to be so much more than
a 4 day torture session. I don't think that I ever would have
understood it if I hadn't had a different point of view that
allowed me to see the bigger picture. The first day of the trek
is a good example. The first time I experienced the trek as a
youth, I thought the killer first day was just meant to
be hard and exhausting. The second time I went, I saw
that the killer first day was meant to drive them to the
point that they realized they couldn't make it on their
own. It was supposed to teach them to turn to the Lord.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the meeting today thinking about
the different spiritual experiences that I had had on the
trek. Well the point I am trying to make is that I was
reminded how important the big picture is. The trial
that I am going through right now is TOUGH and I
don't understand it because I am right in the middle
of it but the Lord can see the big picture. He knows
what I am supposed to learn from this experience. I am
grateful that the Lord brought this to my remembrance,
it is a tender mercy. I just hope that I can turn to the Lord
and rely on him to keep my feet moving when I am too
tired of this trial to keep going.

Sorry for the long and sentimental post.